


Car Ride

by trebleDeath



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Lols, Road Trip, puke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 06:33:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3840661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trebleDeath/pseuds/trebleDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>my friend and i agreed that Jane would be the only one to drive once they get to an earth like planet considering she would at least would have had her learners permit while everyone else lived away from society or was thirteen upon entering the game. This is the result.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Car Ride

**Author's Note:**

  * For [behind-sight](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=behind-sight).



The few hours that it took to get to their destination we're fine. As in nobody died, however Jade did throw up and say she felt like dying. But there were in fact no fatalities from crashes.

Which was odd considering who Jane was driving with.

The first few minutes were fine as well. Tolerable even. 

Until Jake spoke up. "Jaane, why does Jade get the front seat? I'm the oldest."

"Are not!" jade soured back, though her gaze didn't leave the window, "Were the same age exactly."

"But I act older!" 

Dirk snorted beside him.

Jane sighed, clutching the steering wheel with white knuckles, "You know how Jade is with cars. I'm a little surprised you aren't the same way."

"Maybe I am! I should be in the front seat."

"I swear to god Jake, if you say anything else about me in the passenger seat, I will trade you spots, and then every time I violently vomit, which will be every half hour and every time we hit a bump, I will vomit directly on you. And when we stop for food, I will get the greasiest, fattest, brightest foods and eat them all, just so you will never get it off you."

That shut him up. For about a second, "Fine. I don't want to be in the front seat, then I wouldn't get the crayons."

With that, he turned back to his dinosaur coloring book.

A few minutes passed, allowing rare silence to wash over the car, more specifically Jane, whose shoulders relaxed some.

"Does it look like Gaston wants to be choking on a dick, Rose? Does it really?"

Jane's shoulders tightened up again as she prevented the car from swerving at Dave's shout of frustration.

"You're the one who drew it, so I wouldn't know." Rose responded with a slight smirk.

"That is a bunch of fucking bull shit, can't I have one goddamn picture without someone choking and a massive crudely drawn boner that you keep waving in their faces like a fucking war flag?"

"Language!" snapped Roxy from the middle seats. She really didn't care about swearing, but Dave did go a bit overboard sometimes, and she knew it threw Jane off, so far the only one who knew how to drive.

"Can it Lalonde! I can cuss when your mother is drawing dicks on my Disney coloring book. These dicks are seriously shitty. Rose, you're such a lesbian you can't even draw cartoon dicks right."

"Well you we're the one to draw it, I guess that's your own inaccuracy. And to answer your previously posed question, yes. I do think gaston would like to choke on your phallic imagery. I mean he has the cleft chin that looks perfect for cradling balls. Plus, he himself is a dick, so I don't see why he'd be opposed to meeting his own kind."

Dave huffed in frustration. "As soon as we get out of this car, I am so switching Egbert sp- oh my god you just drew another one. Fuck it, I'm switching him spots right now,"

Jane nearly slammed on the brakes when she heard the seat belt unclick, "Roxy," 

Roxy sighed and put down her Harry Potter crossword. She unbuckled her self and tossed her upper body over the back of the middle row, "Dave, sit your ass back down and buckle up, I will personally come back there and stick you in that seat myself. And you missy, stop drawing dicks, you don't even know what they look like,"

"First, don't get back there Rox you're here for Janey supports, not to get into fights in an extremely cramped spot. And secondly, Rose, I can give you a few tips on how to make some better dicks."

Jake hit his arm, "DISGUSTING!" Jane nearly did drive off the road at that.

Dirk laughed, "I wasn't actually going to."

"Yeah, but you suggested it."

Dave clicked his seat belt again, letting Roxy return to her seat, much to Jane's relief.

And that was that. For half an hour. 

“Jane. When are we going to stop?” DIrk looked up from his robot colouring book and at Jane though the middle mirror.

“I didn’t plan on stopping for the trip. It’s short.”

He frowned ever so slightly, “How long do we have?”

“I don’t know. And hour and a half?”

He was silent a moment, ‘Yeah. That’s not going to work. I need you to stop before that.”

“Why?”

He squirmed and blushed slightly, “No reason. I just think it’d be a good idea.”

Jake snickered, “He has to pee.”

In return, Dirk smacked his upper arm, “God, you’re such an ass. Shut up, dick for brains.”

The shorter one glared, “Hey, asstown. I was helping you. Without me, Jane would have just kept driving.”

“You don't know that! Plus, you could have had more tact. Oh wait, I forgot, being oblivious and rude is kind of your thing.”

Jake hit him back, “Fuck face.”

Dirk shoved him, “Piss baby.”

“Hey!” Jane snapped from the drivers seat, glaring at them from the mirror, “Settle down or I’ll turn this car around AND we won’t get a pit stop. God, you two act like you’re three sometimes.”

Both of them mumbled apologies. 

She found a rest stop about twenty minutes later. As soon as she slowed down, Dirk opened the door and jumped out, even though they were still moving.

Jane slammed on the brakes, causing everyone to lurch forward. “Hey! Don’t do that!”

Jade groaned, “Ugh, I feel like I’m dying.”

Jake sighed and pat her shoulder, “Hey, at least we have a little break.”

She rolled her eyes, “Great.”

Dirk climbed back into the car a minute later and buckled up, “Thanks Jane.”

She nodded, “Does anyone else need to use the bathroom?”

Everyone shook their heads. 

“Great. But if you change your mind, I am not pulling over.”

There was a second of awkward silence before everyone except a sleeping John scrambled to get out of the car.

Soon enough, they were on the road again, and fairly quiet; Jane’s last threat keeping them quiet. 

“Jaaaaaane, make Dirk stop!” Jake complained loudly. 

“What! I’m not even touching you!”

Jane groaned. She didn’t even have to look in the rear view mirror to know what’s going on. “Dirk, put your hand down. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t touching him, if you’re invading his space, it’s enough.”

“But I’m not!” He protested again.

Rose popped her head over the seat, “He really isn’t. Both of them are keeping to themselves.”

A pout make itself known on Jake’s face, “No! Dirk’s being mean. He’s hogging all the good crayons! How can I colour my dinosaurs if he’s being a huge dick and keeping all the good colours?”

Dirk pulled a face, one mostly of disgust and disbelief in equal parts. “Dinosaurs are mostly green and brown. And I left you those colours.”

“But that’s boring; what if I wanted an orange dinosaur with blue polka dots?”

“Well then you’d be inaccurate and prove to be more of an idiot than I already assumed you were.”

“Dirk,” Jane’s voice was low in warning, “That was unnecessary and rude. Apologize.”

He stuck his tongue out at her. 

She made a low humming noise in response, “Dirk.”

He sighed, “Fine, I’m sorry. Happy?”

“Not until you share the crayons.”

An exaggerated sigh sounded as Dirk moved the crayons between them.

“Thank you,” Jane noted as she turned her gaze back onto the road.

With her attention distracted, Jane didn’t see the pothole coming. Without a choice, she drove through it, jostling the car. 

Jade lurched forward, “Oh my god, I’m going to puke.”

She didn’t.

John, however, woke up. “What?” He all but shouted. 

Dave immediately patted his face, “John. I’m so glad you’re awake. You have to switch me seats man. Rose keeps drawing phallic nonsense on my colouring book. It’s really annoying and pointless so you have to switch me spots.”

His eyes closed slowly before opening at the same speed. “What?”

A frustrated sigh escaped the others lips, “Never mind.”

The brunette looked to the front of the car, “Nanna, when are we going to stop for bathrooms?”

The raven haired girl groaned and almost smacked her head on the steering wheel. But that would be bad driving, so she didn’t. “We have like, twenty minutes left, and we just stopped. You should have gone then.”

“I was asleep!”

She groaned again, “You can hold it.”

John mumbled something under his breath before leaning his head on Dave, still groggy. 

The rest of the ride was fairly silent. 

Though as she stopped the car, John lept into action. Without the seat belt he had taken off sometime again, he jumped over the seat and scrambled out the door, smashing everyone in the middle row and toggling Jade.

The darker girl lurched forward, this time actually throwing up. 

Roxy just laughed. 

Sighing in defeat, Jane slumped her head against the whee. The horn sounded loudly as everyone got out of the car. Roxy’s laughter just grew louder, almost echoing in the now empty car.

“I’m not driving back!” The smaller girl yelled, still inside the car. 

“Too bad, you’re the only one who knows how.” the platinum haired girl called back with a cackle.

She groaned again.


End file.
